i have no idea plz help me with it
by Tabris12
Summary: shinji is in love with tabris but doesnt know if he feels the same way. will asuka ruin it all of them or will someone fall for her? well read and see. only done first chapter will do more if reviewd by u people
1. Default Chapter

WARNING- If you have not seen all of Evangelion than I suggest you do not read on because I will be basing this on the last few eps and movies, Just thought I would warn you ^-^  
  
Well hello you lovely people who decided to take up their time to read my FIRST eva fanfic so if you don't like it you can tell me but if you decide to flame me coz u have nothing better to do than I will hunt you down and seriously hurt you!! That's not a threat...it's a promise!  
  
And to all those people who like it than thanks and plz review coz I would love to hear from you all ^-^  
  
Claimer- I own your arse!  
  
Prologue  
  
"I can't stop thinking about him, he's lovely body, and his calm deep eyes. Ohh I just cant stop thinking. I think I'm in love with him. But I cant be that's wrong, seriously wrong. Loving another guy is wrong, coz I'm a guy and that will make me gay! But I cant be gay.. I also like Asuka.. Ohh why is this happening to me. I love Tabris (AKA Kaworu) but I also have feeling for Asuka but I know she will never feel the same way. she's always calling me Baka and yelling at me in German I wish I could understand what she was saying sometimes. Ohh this is so hard. I don't want to be gay but I have got feelings for Tabris and I think no! I definitely know he has got feeling for me, the way he talks and acts around me, the way he tries to hug me and pretends its all a joke. I really do love him! But Asuka! Asuka ever since that kiss I have felt something towards her but she's always pushing me away, she's just being a tease and a bitch but I cant stop thinking of her. No! I love Tabris.. Asuka well if she wants to be with me than she can say it for god sakes not just act all flirting one minute than the next be all bitchy and calling me Baka. I give up I am gay and I'm proud of it! Yes proud if people don't like me for who I am than they can go stick it for all I care!"  
  
"SHINJI!" Misato yelled. Shinji stopped his travel of thoughts and said, "Yes?" "What the hell are you doing? Were trying to do a harmonics test and your getting lower and lower your brain seems to be somewhere else! SO STOP WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING AND CONCENTRATE!" Misato yelled at him annoyed. "Yes Misato sorry." Shinji said embarrassed, his harmonics lately have been really high, higher than Asuka's and that really pissed her off. Shinji tried to forget about Tabris and Asuka and began to concentrate.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Shinji lies there on his bed thinking again about Tabris and how much he wanted to see him. It hurt that he couldn't be near him at the moment not being with him in his arms or just be talking. Shinji got up from his bed and went to the kitchen to see Misato drinking a beer as usual. He went to grab the phone when Misato said something. "Sorry Misato what did you say?" She got up from the couch and walked up to him "What's up?" "Nothing, why?" She looked at him then walked over to the fridge and got out another beer, it must be her 3rd and then said, "You seem stranger than usual, so what's up Shinji?" "Just got stuff one my mind but its alright now." "Well if you want to talk to me about it you can and if you screw up your harmonics again like you did then your talking to me okay!" she looked at him sternly Shinji nodded "Yes Misato.. Sorry." She smiled and went and laid on the couch and began to drink the beer.  
  
Shinji grabbed the phone and went into his room. "Why hello Shinji!" said Asuka all cheerfully. She was sitting on his bed smiling. Shinji sighed he wanted to call Tabris and he cant now that Asuka's in the room. "Hi" "I'm bored do you want to do something?" she asked getting up and standing right in front of him. "Like what?" Asuka thought for a while than said, "Go out for dinner somewhere. Misato would probably end up cooking and you know how bad it is!" Asuka laughed Shinji thought about it for a while "I really wanted to do something with Tabris but I guess she will get pissed at me if I don't go but she might get pissed at me because I might say something wrong. No I'm not going I want to be near Tabris" then out aloud Shinji answered "Sorry Asuka I'm busy." Asuka looked at him and then said annoyed "Shinji you're a Baka." she walked out saying all this stuff in German and Shinji had no idea what she was saying.  
  
He took a deep breath and dialled Tabris number. It rang twice when Tabris answered "Hello?" "Ohh Hi Tabris.its' Shinji" "HEY Shinji, how are you?" "Yeah better, yourself?" "Better now I'm talking to you." Shinji felt his heart race faster better now I'm talking you those words made Shinji feel so better and happier that Tabris does have feeling for him and it wont be too hard to get him to come out tonight. Then out aloud Shinji said "Err Tabris I was wondering if err.. Err you wanted to err go out tonight somewhere err to get some dinner!" He said quite nervous "Hell yes!" he replied quite quickly.  
  
After a few minuted they had arranged where to go and when to meet. They were going to Noodle Hut and meeting in 45 minutes. "This is so great Tabris and I are going to together tonight. If I have enough guts I'll try to pick him up. I've never made the first move so hopefully it will all work out" Shinji thought. He went back in the kitchen to see Asuka, she said something else in German and walked off. Shinji put the phone back and went to have a shower; he wanted to smell nice for tonight.  
  
Shinji had his shower, washed his hair and as he was drying himself Asuka walked into the bathroom. Shinji quickly wrapped the towel around him and said, "What the hell Asuka get out!" "I want to know why you don't want to go out for dinner with me!" "I told you I'm busy, now get out please!" "What are you doing?" "Going out." "Where?" "Noddle Hut. Now please Asuka get out!" "With who?" Shinji didn't answer. "Didn't you hear me Baka" she rolled her eyes "With who?" Shinji took a deep breath and said "Just with a friend." Asuka smiled and said, "You have a girl friend don't you?" Shinji shook his head "NO I don't. Asuka please get out." She smiled again and began to chant "Shinji has a girlfriend.Shinji has a girlfriend!" she walked out of the bathroom still chanting. He quickly got changed and walked out to his room. Grabbed some money and was about to leave when Misato, Asuka and Pen-Pen stopped him.  
  
"So Stud boy that's what your mind huh? You have a girlfriend!" Misato said cheerfully. "So who it is?" Asuka asked, eyeing him weirdly "Waauuugggghhh" Pen-Pen said. Translation "Shinji has a girl friend whoa!" Shinji just stood there and said, "I don't have a girl friend and could you please all move I'm going to be late!" "Who is it?" Asuka and Misato asked getting closer and closer to him. "Waauuugggghhh" said Pen-Pen. Translation "Yeah who is it?" Shinji took a couple of steps back and said "I don't have a girl friend I'm meeting a friend and that's it." "Uh-huh whatever Baka. Who's the friend then?" Asuka said Shinji rolled his eyes and said, "Fine if you must know I'm meeting Tabris!"  
  
They all looked at him. Misato then said "Ohh okay well have fun and don't be home to late. Pen-Pen lets go get a beer." They both walked off to the kitchen. Asuka just looked at him then said "Can I come then if its just Tabris?" "Sorry Asuka it's just us two tonight and anyways you'll find it boring all guy talk. Why don't you call Hikari and ask her to go out with you tonight?" She began swearing I think in German at Shinji "Ikari Baka!" and walked off.  
  
Shinji shrugged and began to walk to the Noodle hut. "Great I'm finally got them lot of my back now to go see Tabris. Ohh I cant believe I'm about to see him. I'm about to be right next to him and I'm going to do I'm going to make the first move and pick him up!" Shinji thought to himself. After a few minutes he made it to the outside of the noddle hut, he took a deep breath and walked in. Sitting on a table was Tabris; he was looking at the menu.  
  
"Tabris!" Shinji said loud enough for him to hear. Tabris looked up at Shinji and smiled and got up. Shinji walked towards him and said "Hi" smiling "Hi Ikari how are you?" "Really good" smiling "Yourself" "Heaps better now you're here." Shinji once again felt his heart race. Shinji moved closer to him and hugged him. Shinji moved away from him and looked into his eyes and smiled. Tabris smiled back. After a while they both moved away and sat back at the table. Shinji ordered Beef strip and veggie noddles and Tabris ordered pork and beef with veggie noddles. They both sat there talking just talking. "I can be myself around him" Tabris thought and smiled at Shinji. Shinji thought, "Oh this hurts I just want to be with him"  
  
"So how did you go in harmonics today?" Tabris asked "Not as good as usual. How about you?" Shinji said trying not to look in his eyes he didn't want Tabris knowing he was thinking about him the whole way through the test. "Cant complain. Why didn't you go as well? Your harmonics are really high usually aren't they?" Shinji shrugged "Just stuff on my mind. My harmonics are sometimes high it just depends." Tabris seemed to hesitate before saying "Can I help with anything that's on your mind?" Shinji looked at him and thought "Do it Shinji tell him your feelings, he asked so tell him do it Shinji.. do it!!!" Shinji then said out loud "Its about.. Asuka!" Tabris was taken back "Asuka?" "NO it wasn't about her! She's here over at the front with Hikari!" Tabris turned around. Asuka and Hikari came walking over.  
  
"Hi Ikari and Nagisa. I didn't except you two to be here!" Asuka said smiling happily. "Hi Asuka and Hikari. Are you to staying here for dinner?" Tabris asked "Hi" Shinji said half-heartedly "Yes we are" They both answered. "Can we join you? Asuka asked?" Tabris looked and Shinji and said "Why not!"  
  
Shinji thought "She's ruining everything. Ruining everything!!  
  
SOOOOOOO what did you think?? I seriously don't know if its good or bad or whatever so please review. I only decided to write this today and coz I'm about to go on the Internet I will post this up I will write some more if people review it. So please review and tell me what you think!!!  
  
Ohh I used to be known as Riku but now I have changed my name to Tabris coz I love him  
  
So cyas Tabris 


	2. Chapter 2

Well people this is my second chapter I hope you liked the second well I guess if you didn't you wouldn't be reading this chapter ^-^  
  
Thanks to the people who reviewed. Because I'm not on the computer with the Internet I can't check who guys were. I'm working harder with my grammar, I've taken everyone's advice from this site and A4 ^-^ One of the girls who reviewed said that Tabris is his angelic name, I didn't know that I just thought that was his name is jap... see I don't know too much huh? I just like using Tabris then kaworu that's all ^-^  
  
I got my bro to go over my last chapter to fix some of the grammars mistakes. I'm really sad I have been told that I wont go good in VCE exams for English coz my grammar and that my grammar is shocking, this has been said by teachers, friends, people on the net, and all of my family *sighs* All well.... I'm thinking of doing things from Tabris, Asuka etc P.o.V or do you think I should just keep it on Shinji. I just don't want to make it too confusing?? I don't know, you're the reader so you tell me what you would like to see.  
  
Well I think I have rambled on too much so here is the second chapter enjoy!!! *hands popcorn* something to eat while reading ^-^  
  
Claimer- I still own your arse!! He he - im watching you lolz.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Why the hell is she here! Asuka is ruining my chances! She's such a bitch I told her not to come! Why did I tell her where I was going to see Tabris? God I hate her at the moment. Oh look at Tabris he looks so sexy." Shinji stops thinking when Tabris moved over to him and whispered "Shinji are you alright?" "I just didn't want Asuka to be here that's all" Shinji explained looking at the table "Sorry I didn't know I wouldn't have said yes to her and Hikari. Sorry Shinji" "No its not your fault I just want to be umm don't worry" Shinji felt like saying "I just wanted to be with you" but knew it wasn't the right time. "I really need to talk to you like now! So can we go to the toilets or something." Tabris said eagerly Shinji nodded and got up "Were just going to the bathroom, we will be back."  
  
Tabris and Shinji walked into the toilets. "Great this is my chance to finally be with him. Just move in Shinji just move in and pick him up you can do it Shinji." Shinji said that over and over in his head "You can do it Shinji just move in.you can do it" Then Tabris said, "I like someone. I've liked this person ever since I came here." Shinji wanted to say, "I like someone too" but wasn't game enough. So instead he said, "Who is it?" It seemed like and eternity until Tabris said two words that broke Shinji world in two "It's Asuka!" Shinji's heart felt it was ripped into millions of pieces. He felt like crying and screaming but he couldn't, he had to say something before Tabris got suspicious. "Okay. Why? Sorry to sound rude but why?" Shinji asked trying to hold back the tears. "I don't know what's about her I just like her. I know she's an evil bitch but I guess that's what draws me into her, she's strong and sexy and that's why I think." Tabris smiled and laughed. Shinji nodded and tried to laugh back but it was a half-hearted laugh, which made Tabris look at him weirdly and ask "What's the matter with you lately? Your all weird around people and not the usual weird and eerie weird." Tabris said concerned. "Its nothing." He snapped. This made him so angry that Tabris is one love the one person who he found attractive and could be himself with and now look what happens is in love with that bitch Asuka. I need to get out of here. I can't be around Asuka or Tabris.  
  
Shinji turned around and unlocked the door and ran out the restaurant, he needed to be alone. This hurt too much to be in either of their company. "Why did this have to happen to me? Why!! That stupid bitch comes and ruins everything. It happened with the Eva's and the angels. Asuka thinks she's top shit with her so called piloting of her Eva, but me and Rei had it perfectly fine without her. She comes in and ruins everything and what about the complaining. She wont shut up! If something isn't right she wont stop complaining and annoying everyone until it's fixed. Some days I wish I could just turn my Eva on her and rip her to shreds. Now this has happened Tabris has fallen in love with Asuka. I bet she made a move on him, knowing her. She made a move on me so why wouldn't she make a move on him? Why did this have to happen?" Shinji stop thinking to scream. Luckily nobody was out because they probably thought he was a deranged psycho killer.  
  
Shinji made his way back home to find Misato passed out on the couch with about 10 beer cans around her and Pen-Pen asleep on a cushion. He walked to the fridge and grabbed himself 4 beers. "Misato is so pissed she wont remember how many she drank. I don't think she will miss these," He said to himself. Shinji sat on his bed drinking the cans and listening to music. Half way through his 3rd can he felt a bit tipsy but kept going. "I don't want to remember tonight I want to get rid of the pain," he said to himself. Shinji finished the can and started on his last one, he ended up sculling it and fell backwards onto his bed and passed out..  
  
"SHINJI!! Shinji! Get up.Ikari baka get up!" Asuka said trying to wake him up. Shinji slowly opened his eyes "Oh my head" he said. "Were going to be late, get up Ikari!" Asuka said annoyed. Shinji tried to sit up but he was too hung over to. It took him a while but he said, "Just go. I'll be there later" and he closed his eyes. His head was thumping. Asuka pulled him up to his feet and said, "Get your arse ready! We need to be at Nerv in half an hour! SO get up Ikari!" she said annoyed. Shinji groaned and said, "I feel sick. Just go without me." Asuka got annoyed at him so she push him backwards onto his bed and walked out once again swearing in German. Shinji's head was thumping; his never had a hangover before so this was all new to him. He laid back down and closed his eyes and falls asleep...  
  
"Tabris I.... I.... like you and have since the moment I saw you." Shinji said quite nervous. Tabris smiled and gave Shinji a big hug "I've been waiting for you to say that. I was just to afraid to tell you how I felt." They pulled away from the hug and Shinji moved closer for a kiss. Tabris embraced his kiss. Their tongues massaging each other's, their hands holding eachother closer and closer, Shinji tolding on not wanting to let go. Shinji was so happy, happier than he has ever been in his life. Tabris pulled away from the kiss and smiled that made Shinji go weak at the knees. Suddenly everything went black. "Tabris?? Tabris were are you?" Shinji was yelling trying to see anything. Then a spotlight shone on Tabris, Shinji was running towards him, but just as he was about to get to him, he saw Asuka come out of now where. "Asuka?" Shinji said confused.  
  
Asuka and Tabris hugged then to Shinji's horror they moved in and kissed. Shinji felt the tears running down his face, his hands shaking. He felt so angry so hurt he tried to run at Asuka to hit her, strangle her anything to get her out of his life, but they both disappeared. Shinji screamed and kept screaming until his voice was all rare and sore...  
  
"SHINJI!! Shinji wake up, Shinji!" Misato was yelling at him Shinji opened his eyes to see Misato, Asuka and Pen-Pen all looking at him worried. "Are you alright?" Misato asked concerned "I feel sick. I told Asuka-" Misato interrupted "No not that. You were screaming!" "I was?" Shinji asked confused "Yes Ikari!" Asuka snapped then continnued "What was that all about?" Shinji shrugged "I must have been having a night mare!" Then Shinji remembered his dream, he remembered seeing Tabris and Asuka kissing, he remembered the pain and hurt he felt seeing them together, he tried to hold back the tears but it was hard. "Asuka, Pen-Pen, can you leave me and Shinji alone for the moment." Misato asked them both. They both walked out to the kitchen.  
  
"Okay Shinji. Tell me, what is up?" Misato said then she noticed the beer cans "You drank my beer! Why the hell did you drink me beer?" she finished annoyed. "Nothing is up! And I drank your beer because I wanted to!" Shinji snapped. "DONT get all angry with me! You have been acting weirder than usual and you drink my beer" she stops to count "4 cans! 4 cans!" "Misato get over it, its just beer!" Shinji snapped again Misato slapped his face "Shinji you fucken tell me what's up! NOW!" she yelled. Shinji rubbed his face and said "No. Nothing is up!" She took a deep breath and said calmly "Fine. What ever. I know your hurting and I know your on the verge to crying so fine, I don't care anymore, so don't come crying to me when it gets worse!" and she walked out "Oh by the way your paying for those cans" and closed the door.  
  
His head was still thumping, he didn't want to go to sleep, he didn't want to hurt again so he laid in his room lights off his room almost pitch black and just thought about everything. "Why? Why is everything turning out to be so shit! My father abandons me then calls me back because he only wants to use me to poilet Eva. The Angles have ruined my life! I finally thought I was good at something, piloleting my Eva then Asuka comes along and ruins everything, she takes over. Reckons she's the best, better than Rei and I! Hell no. Rei is one of the best, when you see her in action, she is the best. Then Tabris comes and I finally got a good friend who I could be myself around and fell in love with whom I thought had feelings for me but I was wrong, as usual. Tabris is in love with Asuka, because she's a strong evil bitch and that's why he loves her? What kind of stupid piece of shit is that? Maybe I could get him to love me if I started acting all bitchy and strong.... but everyone will see right through me. No I'll be myself. If somebody doesn't like me for who I am then it's their loss. I've been dumped from girls before from being myself; people abuse me because they think I'm following them. GOD I can't take this shit. The only reason people have accepted me here is because I'm the third child nothing else. If I wasn't an Eva pilot I just know that nobody would except me. I would be lonely again like I was at all my other schools. I feel worse now. The one person I could see myself with all the time, hanging out, going on dates being excepted it gets all fucked up because once again I screw everything up. Im back to being lonely, lonely boring, quite Shinji, JUST GREAT!" He stopped to get up and take some Panadol for his still thumping head ache.  
  
After a while the Panadol began to set in and Shinji went for a walk down to the park. He sat down on a bench right across the lake. There was nobody around it was peaceful, there was a slight cool wind which was nice. "Oh I feel so much better out here," he said to himself. "It's so peaceful." he stretched his arms and back and fell back in to the seat. Shinji must have sat there for at least 2 hours, just thinking about absolutely nothing. Shinji moved his head to the left to see Rei walking over. She came and sat next to him. Shinji was taken back "She never really come near me" Shinji was taken back again when Rei spoke. "Shinji. I know what's wrong!" she said not even making eye contact, she jut looked out to the lake. "You... You do?" Shinji said nervously. Rei nodded "Yes. I know you like him" She paused to look at Shinji, his heart began to beat faster and faster. "Is it that obvious?" he thought Rei continued, "He likes you back. He's just in denial. Don't take him liking her to much" she paused again and stood up "You should have been at Nerv today.... He missed you." then she walked off.  
  
"Okkkaaaayyyyyy what was that? She hardly ever talks to me and she just comes up and tells me that Tabris likes me. Rei thinks he's like me?" he finished thinking to say - "Rei! REI!" Shinji looked around, she's already gone... disappeared! He shrugged and sat back down and looked back at the lake. His mind full of thoughts- "How does Rei know this? How can she tell? I didn't think Tabris and Rei were close, or even talk to one another. But Rei is differnet from the rest of us, I think she can see right through people, Feel their feelings, when their lying, stuff like that. I dont know what I'm rambling on about" Shinji sighed "I better get home. Misato might be worried." He got up from the bench and began to walk home slowly, he didnt want to go back there, but knew he should "Everyone would be too worried about me" he thought.  
  
Shinji walked up to the front door and hestantily opened the door. "Hey Shinji! Come I made dinner." It was Tabris he was in the kitchen, he had made dinner for them all. By the smell of it Tabris has made stir fry. Shinji went and sat down next to Misato and asked "Why is he making dinner?" "Well something came up about dinner tonight and he just offered to cook it." Misato said happily "Tabris do you want any help?" "Uhh yeah were are the plates and glasses?" Tabris replied.  
  
Misato got up and went to the kitchen the help Tabrsi serve dinner. Asuka looked over at Shinji and said "He came because I was telling him abut how bad Misato was a cook and I didn't feel like cooking and thought you were too sick.... but I guess your alright now, so he offered." She smiled "I didnt want him to but its better than having Misato cook huh?" Asuka laughed. Shinji tried to laugh back, but couldnt be bothered. He was still annoyed at her for stealing his one love. "Ikari? Are you better?" Asuka asked. Shinji shrugged and said "I'm not hungry. Going to take a shower." he got up and walked into the bathroom. "Shinji?" Misato yelled out, but he ignored her. Misato and Tabris sat down. "I dont know what's up with that boy!" Misato said while stuffing her face.  
  
Shinji got in the shower and began thinking again "Why does he have to be here? Not today of all days. I know what Rei said, but I think Asuka invited him over instead. Ohh i dont know. Asuka is such a bitch for stealing him..... But i guess she didnt really steal him, because no-one knew, well except for Rei, so I guess I dont have to be angry with her, but I cant help it! SHES BITCH! And Tabris giving me the wrong impression. Being all flirty with me, hugging me and joking around about us two and now he goes and likes her." Shinji stopped to remember Rei's words "He's in denial" "Maybe he is just in denail. I dont know, and dont care...... Who am I kidding I do care, I care so much it hurts." Shinji stopped to hear Misato knocking on the door and yelling "Shinji! Get your arse out of the shower NOW! You have been in here for 45 minutes!" Shinji turned the water off and he heard her walk off, most lilkly to get a beer. He got dreesed and walked out to his room where Tabris was sitting on his bed.  
  
Well thats my next chapter all done. i hope you like it ^-^ - im still watching you heheh sorry all  
  
I stopped it at Tabris sitting on his bed because i had no idea what to write next and to leave it all climaze like hehe its not really but i will just say that ^-^ Well I was going to do in this chapter that tabris and shinji got together but I thought it was too fast and I worked out a better way of how to start putting things in from the series in it. So im going to weave things things it of the last eps and EoE and hope it turns out good.  
  
AUTHORS NOTE- I know that Rei speaking to Shinji was a bit out of charcacter and please dont flame me for it. Just think about what she said, and what happens in EoE and hopefully someone out there works it out. If you do plz dont post it in your reveiw email me but email me at this address not the one I have written on me profile coz I dont check that one anymore snuffleupagus_19@hotmail.com also you can add me msn if you wish coz im open to make sum new mates ^- ^ PLZ REVIEW!!!  
  
*huggles all* who read and review ^-^  
  
Thanks i will start on the thrid chapter soon. I'm on school hoilys and i start school this monday so I dont know how much I will get done coz im in year 10 and getting all homework done ^-^  
  
bye Tabris12 


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